Nothing new about grace

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Not because of a lack of things to write about, but quite the contrary. I have so much that is always marinating in my brain and in my heart that it’s hard to sort it out and communicate it in a way that makes sense. And sometimes, it’s in the very beginning stages and if I were to write about my thoughts, it would not be wise.

Writing a blog, speaking publicly, or posting a status for that matter is a privilege that can be, and is, abused sometimes. It’s a one-sided “conversation” that allows us (me) to vent, complain, brag, etc. without the courtesy of really hearing another side. And as a reader, it can leave us (me) feeling frustrated or angry, because how rare it is to communicate so succinctly in a written piece, an oral presentation, or a status that the reader has no questions and knows exactly where the person is coming from. That, my friends, requires a serious amount of grace on both sides. Grace for the writer to understand that her story is just one of millions and it will be read through millions of different lenses; and grace for the reader to understand that the writer is human and may not communicate everything exactly as she means. Grace is noble and necessary and often forgotten. Therefore, each time I think about writing something or even saying something, I am learning to ask myself a few things beforehand: what is my motive? Am I trying to stir peoples’ hearts or just stir the pot to create divisiveness?  Am I writing from a standpoint of grace or am I just venting and unloading on unsuspecting readers? Am I open to differing opinions or will anger and defensiveness creep in if someone dare offer an opposing view? And am I being honest?

How can I have grace for another? I think it’s a virtue that develops through discipline. I train my brain to choose to see beyond the immediate circumstance and believe the best about the other person. I train my brain to choose to put myself in the other person’s shoes. I train my brain to choose to think about why someone may be doing or saying certain things. I give them grace each time I choose this way of thinking.

I can certainly assume the worst of my neighbor, friend, family member. I can assume that everything is personal and they were leaving me out on purpose, or they didn’t pay me back for lunch because they are cheap, or they haven’t talked to me in months because they are selfish and don’t care about me. OR, I can choose to brainstorm best case scenarios: maybe they didn’t invite me because they didn’t think I had time in my schedule or because maybe I’m not their only friend and they just wanted to spend time with someone else; maybe they didn’t pay me back because they simply forgot or because money is tight right now; maybe they haven’t called me because their life got busy or they lost my number or they hate talking on the phone or they just got some bad news and their life is turned upside down right now and they really can’t think of anyone else at the moment. In every interaction, I have a choice.

Approximately 100% of the time, I am wrong in my first impressions of people and in my first interpretation of a situation. My worldview is so so so so small. My story is unique to me; everyone has a story. A valuable story. People are complex. Situations are complex. They can be looked at through offensive lenses, or they can be looked at through lenses of grace. I want to wear those glasses—the ones with grace.

We all know people who are easily offended. Where I have to pay a price if I wrong that person. Like the lady at market whose foot I accidentally ran over with my stroller. She howled for several seconds and gave me a look of death. I said sorry over and over but she just kept howling. A grown woman, howling in Central Market. It was an accident. All I could say was sorry. But she needed to let me know just how badly I hurt her. I needed to know so that somehow I could pay for her pain.

That is obviously a minor example of a lack of grace, but it’s in these everyday occurrences that I have the opportunity to extend grace, kindness, self-control, gentleness, love, and peace to my neighbor (i.e. anyone and everyone). A few weeks ago, I asked my friend, who happens to be a monk, if he, or any of his monk friends get angry. Peace is their anthem, so I was just curious. His response was that it’s all about perspective. He can view someone as an annoyance or villain or enemy, or he can view them as his greatest teacher. If someone is annoying him, it’s his chance to practice patience; if someone offends him, it’s his opportunity to practice grace, and so on. I’ve been thinking of this for weeks. It’s usually in the moments when someone is annoying me or doing me wrong that I justify why I can act like a turd. But that’s not healthy, nor is it all like Jesus. He didn’t throw a tantrum on the cross or tell his murderers how wrong they were; he begged for God to pardon them and he extended them grace, in the midst of the worst offense.

Developing grace requires me to recognize how much of it I’ve been given. And I’ve been given much of it. I used to shake my head and utter phrases like “I’m glad I’m not married to someone like that” when I’d witness a spouse being difficult. Then one day, it dawned on me that I am the difficult spouse! That wasn’t super fun. Once I could take an honest look at myself, though, I realized just how much grace I’ve been shown by Alan, and in return, I’m compelled to show it to him.

Grace, kindness, gentleness, love—all of these work together to create peace. In a world that is incredibly broken right now, we all want peace. And yes, we can pray for it to come, but the hard truth is, it’s going to come through you and me. We are the peacemakers. Peace isn’t going to come as long as we (grown adults) are getting into arguments on facebook (or in real life) that are laden with pride. Peace isn’t going to come as long as we are name calling our political leaders. Peace isn’t going to come as long as we are assuming the worst about people and requiring that each person who wrongs us pay some price. Peace will come when we forgive. Peace will come when we listen. Peace will come when look beyond ourselves and realize that everyone is valuable and everyone deserves kindness. Peace will come when we take up our cross and follow Him.

Let’s be a breath of fresh air to those around us. Let our words be salve to those who are hurting. Let’s bring life and light into a room—not harshness and criticism. Let’s pay it forward, the grace we’ve been given by our Savior, to those around us. 

- M